I’m feeling stressed. Stress and anxiety make me sick. And when I say irrational things, I fall into this deep irrational spiral where i tell myself “you’re crazy” “you’re dramatic” “why do you do this”
I’ve been working so hard in therapy. And I’ve been feeling so much better. But this last week has been so hard. And i think it’s the separation. It’s just too much. Combine that with a jarring conversation with my Mom. That once again reminded me of the very event that my therapist says caused some PTSD. But god dammit. Why do I feel like this? I hate set backs. They feel like failure. When I thought I was on the right track. I carry things around like weights. And I don’t tell anyone until it’s too late. The panic has already settled in and made a home in my brain.
I’m just scared I didn’t find the answer. And I’m gonna have to switch meds again. This is just too mother fucking hard and I’m tired of it. It’s been over 3 years. I know there’s other factors at play. I know. But it’s almost midnight and I’m usually asleep by now. But I can’t sleep. I’m basically causing myself to be more upset than I need to be. I do this.
Fuck.
